A really bad day

Nothing school related - although it took place at school. Every once in a while I have a day of deja vu (in fact writing this, I am getting the feeling)...an endless day of feeling like I dreamed the whole day at some point, but disjointed, in pieces. And as the day goes on, those pieces float to the surface, triggered by what I am doing.

Today was worse. As homeroom is getting under way, I have a bad feeling. I go into my room to snag a paper for one of my team teachers, and after I give it to her, I start hyperventilating. I have had a couple of panic attacks before so I recognized it right away. I moved away from the kids into a stairwell and sat and breathed for a bit. After maybe 10 minutes I felt like I could try again. In the past they have been isolated events - it happens and it is over. Today, no. The attack included aphasia...I couldn't remember many names, like one of my team teachers, the guidance counselor, or one of my students.

Then the second attack hit. Worse than the first. One of my team teachers helped me to the office and called my wife. I still had difficulty with some words and some memory (it took me two tries for my home phone number). Went directly to my doctor's office and sat there for 90 minutes. Classic panic attack, except for the aphasia. So now, I have an appointment with a neurologist tomorrow.

Literally ten minutes ago I had another attack. Deja vu, weird images surfacing that I could swear I had dreamed (familiarity), hyperventilating, moaning, the whole bit. This time, again, I lost words - still having some trouble getting them back. Couldn't remember the title of the book that was face down at my desk, looking at the back cover - I had to turn it over. Haven't opened the Xanax prescription the doctor wrote.

In seven years I have had two panic attacks. Today I have had three, so far. Nothing new, nothing has changed. Not really enjoying this at all.