Seasonal Changes

The good news is, I don't seem to be sliding down the slope of depression this year. This time last year I was combating fatigue and low spirits, and had my dosage increased. Now I am looking forward and excited.

Had an interesting talk with some co-workers yesterday and today. Yesterday I was kind of upset because a good friend and teacher let me know that sometimes the message I want to get to the kids isn't coming across clearly, both from a cultural and linguistic standpoint. I was angry - and as with most people I was angry at the messenger. Then I started to think, and realized I was angry at myself, for not having better skills, and for continuing to do the same old thing when it isn't working.

In the time and place I was raised, I expected to be told things. I learned best by hearing the straight story, getting a solid explanation. I carry that over to my classroom, explaining to the students how, and more importantly (to me) why to behave. This hasn't been working. The kids tune me out - they just don't care why...they only focus on what they want, and all the reasoning in the world won't shake them out of that.

I have resisted giving it up because it was my way of showing I cared - I take the time to explain. If I didn't give a rationale, I didn't care. And showing concern and care for the students is important, but there is a fine line between showing vulnerability that gives them an opening to abuse the privilege and walk all over you.

My co-workers have been trying to tell me that for the students I have, tougher is better. The ones who can recognize caring will get it, and the others will toe the line to stay out of trouble, hopefully. And reflecting more, I know I have to accentuate the positive more, instead of jumping on the negative. Hard to do, especially when nobody around you is doing it. But I am trying - and thanking my co-workers for being patient while I slowly realize what they have been telling me all along.

Biking today showed me spring has arrived, if not by the calendar. Some nice pink flowering trees, many white blossomed bushes bordering driveways...even daffodils, crocus and forsythia are now in bloom. Good thing the weather is becoming milder - I am now officially in training for the Australia trip. Biked twice this week which is a first for the year. And will start swimming again at the Y, to work the body and improve my swimming skills.