Apathy

Still working my way up the slippery slope of last week. Depression often includes apathy, and I just haven't had the will to get back into a routine. Yesterday I even skipped bicycling to work - I just didn't feel like it. Writing here has fallen by the wayside, too.

Monday we had parent/teacher conferences in lieu of teaching. 4pm to 7pm, every 10 minutes. Naturally we had parents scheduled who didn't show up, and others who didn't have appointments who demanded our time. Quite a few revelations (one boy had been treated at St. Jude and will soon require his jaw to be replaced, another is about to begin treatment for skin cancer) and a few meetings that were depressing in their dysfunctional ways. The mother of one boy from last year repeated the same routine I had seen five times before. Excuses as to why her (obviously hyperactive) son hasn't been seen by a professional (I can't manage the co-pay - although later she mentions buying her son yet another pair of overpriced sneakers) despite his pediatrician referring her to a free service, then talking about how his hyperactivity is due to his diet and how she is trying to cut out sugary foods, followed by tears, followed by a few disjointed repetitions of early statements, sometimes contradicting. Did I mention she didn't have an appointment? And took up 30 minutes?

Meanwhile I feel like a bad teacher. I am not putting in the time I should in preparing engaging lessons that reach all learners. If that sounds like the jargon from an evaluation, you are probably right. But I know I am not doing enough, lately just enough to get by. And it wears on me.

Highlight of the week so far was youngest's volleyball game. They haven't won all season, but have come close. Last night they won their match...not just one game, but two out of three. All the parents were proud, but it was so exciting to see the girls' reactions.