New Year's Day

I am hearing U2. All is quiet...

Well, for the first time in recorded memory I slept late. I had to give it up when I had kids, then when we got dogs, but today I took off the breathing mask and just lay there, enjoying the warmth. A bit later, I looked at the clock and it was 8:50. whoa!

On the other hand, there had been a funny bubble sound. My sleepy mind attributed it to our youngest in the bathtub. Then Purl (the bigger dog) wandered into the bathroom, and she was acting funny, or as funny as I could tell without glasses or contacts. She was in a curious pose, then she kind of backed out, slowly, looking around. My wife came in and asked how her towel had been moved, and I told her about the dog. Then we noticed the water. LOTS of water, all over the floor.

Turns out the bubbling happened in both bathrooms, and backwashed both bathtubs. Neither toilet is draining, and the water on the floor was from the toilet backwash. Turned off water, established that the kitchen and half bath both are OK. The plunger we had is sort of suffering rubber fatigue, so we borrowed one from the other house (which is what we refer to my sister-in-law's house, four houses up the street). Both tubs finally drained some, but they also coughed up a lot of junky stuff. So, rather than bother a rooter man on New Year's Day, we poured some drain cleaner stuff down both bathroom drains. Note: when I say "we", I mean me. Wife is at work. Knitting never sleeps.

Now the drain cleaner is to be used only by scientists and mathematicians. It is a big opaque white bottle. Not looking at it right now but maybe close to a gallon. The instructions tell you not to let it touch fixtures (including drains) and to use a funnel. Also that the stuff will go through water. Try to pour into a funnel that is submerged and not get anything on the metal of the drain! Nice trick. It also tells you to use one-eighth of the bottle. Ah, but no fair measuring. Just guess....because you can't see how much is IN the bottle, or have any clue how much has come out. Or was even left from the last time you tried this.

So, fifteen minutes ago, more or less, both tubs drained, and I flushed them for 5 minutes each with hot water. Fine and full drainage. Master bath toilet also drains fine. Girl's bathroom toilet flush....and the problem reinstates itself. Both tubs with an inch or so of water, now possibly with extra-corrosiveness! yay!

At least I know it is the one toilet. And I have a suspicion about a culprit, although until she wakes up, probably this afternoon, I won't be able to confirm it. If I get a straight answer, which is also unlikely. But we are talking about a teenager who has been known to leave underwear on her floor, sometimes with sanitary devices still attached. (it cost me quite a bit to type that last...years off my life). But, being a trooper, I poured another 1/8 of a bottle of the thick acid into the toilet. Of course, it won't go down the pipe because it does that vertical "S" thing. So, in with a plunger (avert your eyes in case of acid splashing) and hope for the best.

Worst case, we wait until tomorrow when plumbers won't be on holiday rates.

The toilet episode reminds me of an incident way back in Brooklyn when I was newly arrived, and rooming in a one-bedroom apartment with two co-workers. One got the bedroom, the other got the dining room with french doors and a window. I got the day bed in the living room. Lots of nightmare stories about this setup, but one day I got a call from them at work. At this point I had graduated to a M-F office job, while they were going into their jobs on Saturday to show how hard they could stumble around trying to sell life insurance. The one roommate told me the toilet wasn't working. Great news for me, since they had access to a toilet at the office. He further opined (I like that word) that it was the fault of my girlfriend, probably flushing something she shouldn't have. But on the good side he had called the landlord.

Two days later, the plumber comes. He has to remove the toilet, then snake down the hole in the floor. He finds the blockage and removes it. It was the roommate's toothbrush - he had dropped it in one morning by accident, and instead of fishing it out like a normal human (did I mention he was from Arkansas?), he decided to flush it, and conveniently blame it on my girlfriend even though he knew the real truth.

I hope there is no toothbrush in my toilet, and whatever it is can be dissolved by this stuff that will eat your fixtures if you aren't careful.