Good things today -
Paycheck with (finally) our contracted increase. But the retroactive pay (going back to July) will have to wait. With a system in financial dire straits, they hold the money as long as they possibly can.
My "vacation" leave for next month was put into the system without me having to do anything. The substitute, who is almost a permanent faculty member, she subs so much at our school, got it all arranged once I told her the dates.
Weather was really nice this afternoon. Of course, I was driving instead of biking. The past two days were super cold (for Memphis) pre-dawn, but it made me realize that a bunch of my doubts about commuting were non-issues. Some of the hills are not even obstacles any more. Riding before the sun rises has been handled, and now I know the best way to dress for anything down to about 30 degrees. I still don't dare brave the rains, though.
Not so great -
The kids are getting VERY restless and disobedient. A few obvious notes being passed, as if they want them to be seen, expressing very negative attitudes peppered with curse words. Yesterday we had a meeting to educate us on gang activities, and I had a less than pleasant dream along those lines and it has put me on a bit of a hair trigger. Meanwhile I have kids who, when a parent is called, disrespects their parent on the phone in the process of trying to explain how and why they couldn't have had an attitude with me. Other parents who basically say "yes, he/she does the same thing at home, I just don't know what to do" and leaves it to us to manage.
Well, one more day, then one week, and I will be having a bit of a break. Then Thanksgiving lands and before you know it, the year is over.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Below Freezing
Yep, getting our first frosty night tonight. We don't get hard freezes down here, just cold. Got the gloves, long shirt and spandex pants and windbreaker for tomorrow. Yes, I plan to bicycle.
Coming home was an experience...heavy headwinds, then nearly mowed down by a Hummer that ran a red fully 5 seconds after it went red. I overruled my better judgment and followed, and actually caught up at the next red light. I came off the curb, parked my bike in front of her and walked to the *open* driver's window.
She: I know.
Me: WHAT do you know?
She: *confused look*
Me: You nearly killed me when you ran that red light.
She: sorry
Me: Sorry? SORRY? *shakes head*
Hops on bike, parting shot includes some F and C words. Back on sidewalk and gone before the light changes.
As the Hummer drives away I notice the emergency flashers are going, and the thing is making some awful squealing sounds. I can't imagine what she hit or ran over to skew the front end alignment fully 20 degrees off, but I hope it wasn't a bicyclist.
Coming home was an experience...heavy headwinds, then nearly mowed down by a Hummer that ran a red fully 5 seconds after it went red. I overruled my better judgment and followed, and actually caught up at the next red light. I came off the curb, parked my bike in front of her and walked to the *open* driver's window.
She: I know.
Me: WHAT do you know?
She: *confused look*
Me: You nearly killed me when you ran that red light.
She: sorry
Me: Sorry? SORRY? *shakes head*
Hops on bike, parting shot includes some F and C words. Back on sidewalk and gone before the light changes.
As the Hummer drives away I notice the emergency flashers are going, and the thing is making some awful squealing sounds. I can't imagine what she hit or ran over to skew the front end alignment fully 20 degrees off, but I hope it wasn't a bicyclist.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Giving up
Had a nice talk with my team teachers today. They can see the stress getting to me, and a lot is my work ethic - I don't want to give up on any kids, even the ones that have barriers to learning, or allowing themselves to try. I buy into the hype, that if I put more effort in, I will reach them. Reality says I won't. On top of it all, the government (NCLB) looks over my shoulder all the time, questioning my value and ability as a teacher.
I just have to let it go to avoid what my colleague calls busting a gasket. They worry about me, as the stress does get to me, plus I have different challenges with my pigmentation. I can't say the exact same things as the others on the team and not catch flak. Plus I allow my buttons to be pushed too often.
On the home front, my oldest got her report card today. 2 A, a C, a D and 2 F. She doesn't give a damn about handing in homework, and holds grudges against teachers, playing classroom lawyer about talking "before class starts" etc. If this keeps up, we won't be paying an arm and a leg for her to finish out her senior year, which will severely compromise her college aspirations.
I just have to let it go to avoid what my colleague calls busting a gasket. They worry about me, as the stress does get to me, plus I have different challenges with my pigmentation. I can't say the exact same things as the others on the team and not catch flak. Plus I allow my buttons to be pushed too often.
On the home front, my oldest got her report card today. 2 A, a C, a D and 2 F. She doesn't give a damn about handing in homework, and holds grudges against teachers, playing classroom lawyer about talking "before class starts" etc. If this keeps up, we won't be paying an arm and a leg for her to finish out her senior year, which will severely compromise her college aspirations.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The Counters
Never did find any suitable tokens/counters, whatever. So this morning I made a ton. 1 inch squares with + or - on them. Different bright colors for each. Even got a teacher to spot me some ziploc bags to store them in. First class was wonderful, enjoyed it. Second class wouldn't let themselves try as much, so were off task and frustrating to me. There are some wild ones in there, so it wasn't so bad. Then the third group...no interest at all. Then again, they are Honors, and sometimes think they are above all this. Still, had to call three parents - shards of rubber bands flying, and finding one (idiot) with part of the same rubber band in his hand, several pieces around his desk and on his books. Of course, he didn't do it. So I called his mother and laid out the situation, even stressing I didn't see him shoot the rubber band. The rest of the class proceeded to argue, led by one boy whose parents have basically given him a free pass to act an idiot. His dad got a call, too, so he proceeded to be a dick while transitioning to lunch. I passed him off to a different teacher.
So, what should have been a victory lap for me was kind of mixed. Two classes got a lot out of it, two others I have to rethink for recalcitrant obstinacy. The Honors class deserves to be forced to think for themselves, but too many are lazy. Nurture over nature on this one.
So, what should have been a victory lap for me was kind of mixed. Two classes got a lot out of it, two others I have to rethink for recalcitrant obstinacy. The Honors class deserves to be forced to think for themselves, but too many are lazy. Nurture over nature on this one.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Writing
I got an email from a regional coordinator (or something like that) for the National Writers Month. I tried unsuccessfully last year, but with the conditioning I have done in keeping this blog alive and pretty much regular, aside from last week, I think I can do it.
I am still struggling with being a "good" teacher. I tend to talk instead of getting the kids involved with hands-on stuff. I don't have a great depth of manipulatives for them to mess around with, plus I don't have a huge level of trust that those things won't be pocketed, broken, thrown, etc. I spent a good deal of time looking for poker chips so I could make sets of positive and negative counters (concrete items for rather non-concrete concepts) to work on adding, subtracting negative integers, and forming zero pairs.
This lack of structure is, in theory, what is making my classes have a potential for disruption. In theory, again, students who aren't engaged will find other things to engage them. On the other hand, some kids won't let themselves be engaged, either because it is more fun to disrupt or because they can't sit still, can't recognize their own behavior. Argh.
Still haven't had that impending bicycle accident, but Memphis drivers are sure giving me a run for my money. Today I checked behind me, let a car pass me and signaled to move into the left lane (which is essentially the double yellow line, as I was going to turn left onto my street) because the next car coming up was in my current far right lane. As I get into my left lane, here is the car, who switched lanes without signaling, and won't respect my position. He cuts past me, half into the oncoming lane, forcing me back into the right lane (where I can't really see what is coming). Naturally, he was on the phone. Banning cell phones while driving wouldn't work here, though, since people ignore any regulations that inconvenience themselves. Like signaling turns, stopping at signals, yielding to traffic, etc. A boy was killed this weekend while riding his bike, and the news reported that hit-and-run fatalities have a 10% solve rate, compared to 85% for murders.
I am still struggling with being a "good" teacher. I tend to talk instead of getting the kids involved with hands-on stuff. I don't have a great depth of manipulatives for them to mess around with, plus I don't have a huge level of trust that those things won't be pocketed, broken, thrown, etc. I spent a good deal of time looking for poker chips so I could make sets of positive and negative counters (concrete items for rather non-concrete concepts) to work on adding, subtracting negative integers, and forming zero pairs.
This lack of structure is, in theory, what is making my classes have a potential for disruption. In theory, again, students who aren't engaged will find other things to engage them. On the other hand, some kids won't let themselves be engaged, either because it is more fun to disrupt or because they can't sit still, can't recognize their own behavior. Argh.
Still haven't had that impending bicycle accident, but Memphis drivers are sure giving me a run for my money. Today I checked behind me, let a car pass me and signaled to move into the left lane (which is essentially the double yellow line, as I was going to turn left onto my street) because the next car coming up was in my current far right lane. As I get into my left lane, here is the car, who switched lanes without signaling, and won't respect my position. He cuts past me, half into the oncoming lane, forcing me back into the right lane (where I can't really see what is coming). Naturally, he was on the phone. Banning cell phones while driving wouldn't work here, though, since people ignore any regulations that inconvenience themselves. Like signaling turns, stopping at signals, yielding to traffic, etc. A boy was killed this weekend while riding his bike, and the news reported that hit-and-run fatalities have a 10% solve rate, compared to 85% for murders.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Apathy
Still working my way up the slippery slope of last week. Depression often includes apathy, and I just haven't had the will to get back into a routine. Yesterday I even skipped bicycling to work - I just didn't feel like it. Writing here has fallen by the wayside, too.
Monday we had parent/teacher conferences in lieu of teaching. 4pm to 7pm, every 10 minutes. Naturally we had parents scheduled who didn't show up, and others who didn't have appointments who demanded our time. Quite a few revelations (one boy had been treated at St. Jude and will soon require his jaw to be replaced, another is about to begin treatment for skin cancer) and a few meetings that were depressing in their dysfunctional ways. The mother of one boy from last year repeated the same routine I had seen five times before. Excuses as to why her (obviously hyperactive) son hasn't been seen by a professional (I can't manage the co-pay - although later she mentions buying her son yet another pair of overpriced sneakers) despite his pediatrician referring her to a free service, then talking about how his hyperactivity is due to his diet and how she is trying to cut out sugary foods, followed by tears, followed by a few disjointed repetitions of early statements, sometimes contradicting. Did I mention she didn't have an appointment? And took up 30 minutes?
Meanwhile I feel like a bad teacher. I am not putting in the time I should in preparing engaging lessons that reach all learners. If that sounds like the jargon from an evaluation, you are probably right. But I know I am not doing enough, lately just enough to get by. And it wears on me.
Highlight of the week so far was youngest's volleyball game. They haven't won all season, but have come close. Last night they won their match...not just one game, but two out of three. All the parents were proud, but it was so exciting to see the girls' reactions.
Monday we had parent/teacher conferences in lieu of teaching. 4pm to 7pm, every 10 minutes. Naturally we had parents scheduled who didn't show up, and others who didn't have appointments who demanded our time. Quite a few revelations (one boy had been treated at St. Jude and will soon require his jaw to be replaced, another is about to begin treatment for skin cancer) and a few meetings that were depressing in their dysfunctional ways. The mother of one boy from last year repeated the same routine I had seen five times before. Excuses as to why her (obviously hyperactive) son hasn't been seen by a professional (I can't manage the co-pay - although later she mentions buying her son yet another pair of overpriced sneakers) despite his pediatrician referring her to a free service, then talking about how his hyperactivity is due to his diet and how she is trying to cut out sugary foods, followed by tears, followed by a few disjointed repetitions of early statements, sometimes contradicting. Did I mention she didn't have an appointment? And took up 30 minutes?
Meanwhile I feel like a bad teacher. I am not putting in the time I should in preparing engaging lessons that reach all learners. If that sounds like the jargon from an evaluation, you are probably right. But I know I am not doing enough, lately just enough to get by. And it wears on me.
Highlight of the week so far was youngest's volleyball game. They haven't won all season, but have come close. Last night they won their match...not just one game, but two out of three. All the parents were proud, but it was so exciting to see the girls' reactions.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Funeral
Took me a while to calm down enough to post. Helplessness begets anger and frustration with me. Seeing a close friend whose body lay in a coffin, and knowing the contributions made by another close friend - contributions that were being ignored by the Army against the soldier's wishes was quite a bit to bear. The alternative was to disrupt a funeral, and I don't like being arrested.
Even when the sparse gathering (maybe 20 people, all known to each other, except me) was invited by the pastor to come share memories, I didn't. Not because I didn't have any, but because I couldn't have done it without editorializing, resulting in bad consequences.
Too late I realized what I could/should have done. I should have printed out or had sent a picture of him with his family in Knoxville - a portrait of him with his mother, father, 3 year old sister. And tucked it beneath one of his white gloved hands for all to see. To let them know that they were represented.
I could have admonished them, not for not loving and caring for him, but for allowing that love and care to vanish like morning fog when his life got difficult and he needed someone to help him on his final leg to adulthood. None of those present did. The people he named as next of kin did.
I could have filled them in on his life in the gap between their memories of him as a boy and his death as a man. Of a loving home with a room of his own to come to during his leave. A room referred to, not as a guest room, but as Chris' room. Of pictures of him carousing with his sister and her cousins, and of the entire clan he was engulfed by when these people took him in. Of their "Proud Army Mom" decals on the car. Of their shared messages on their webpages.
And of their struggle to come to grips with a soldier who was denied his wish to come home to them, even if his spirit had departed in a faraway land.
Even when the sparse gathering (maybe 20 people, all known to each other, except me) was invited by the pastor to come share memories, I didn't. Not because I didn't have any, but because I couldn't have done it without editorializing, resulting in bad consequences.
Too late I realized what I could/should have done. I should have printed out or had sent a picture of him with his family in Knoxville - a portrait of him with his mother, father, 3 year old sister. And tucked it beneath one of his white gloved hands for all to see. To let them know that they were represented.
I could have admonished them, not for not loving and caring for him, but for allowing that love and care to vanish like morning fog when his life got difficult and he needed someone to help him on his final leg to adulthood. None of those present did. The people he named as next of kin did.
I could have filled them in on his life in the gap between their memories of him as a boy and his death as a man. Of a loving home with a room of his own to come to during his leave. A room referred to, not as a guest room, but as Chris' room. Of pictures of him carousing with his sister and her cousins, and of the entire clan he was engulfed by when these people took him in. Of their "Proud Army Mom" decals on the car. Of their shared messages on their webpages.
And of their struggle to come to grips with a soldier who was denied his wish to come home to them, even if his spirit had departed in a faraway land.
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